Love and trust are the anchors to every healthy relationship. The problem with this is that everyone's definition of love and trust does not come from a healthy place. Not all people are seeking to be whole and delivered. Many are seeking relationships to fill a void, and unfortunately, we end up using and abusing the relationships of innocent people because of our lack of wholeness.
Oftentimes, the result of those in a relationship who are not whole is a one-sided relationship. This type is defined as one person doing all the giving and the other person doing all the receiving. Neither one of these positions in a relationship is healthy. There could also be a lack of wholeness in the person who gives all the time as to say that they may have a need to be needed or may have misplaced their value.
One-sided relationships happen more than we think. Many of us are victims of one-sided relationships. Many of us have also put ourselves in one-sided relationships because we believed the lie that having true friends was hard to come by, so we settled to be needed rather than to be loved.
Every relationship will suffer some type of moment where one person will need the support of the other. This is normal and should be allowed. To not give each other grace in human moments opens unrealistic and unhealthy expectations to be perfect. However, it is never healthy to constantly be pulled on by someone who never intends on giving back. This is not a friendship. This is a one-sided relationship.
Are you involved in a one-sided relationship? Have you allowed yourself to be needed and not loved? Are you struggling with an unhealthy dependence on someone? Healing is necessary individually so that our relationships can be healthy. Love and truth are who God is, not just what He represents. So having a healthy relationship is having God govern us in it. Selah.
All of us have many conversations in our heads. We converse about what we’re going to eat today, what we’re going to wear, which Netflix movie we’re going to watch, and the list goes on and on. But the conversations here are the defensive ones we have in our heads, the ones we’ve already rehearsed in case someone steps to us the wrong way, the ones that get our blood pressure elevated and our blood boiling without the person even being in front of us.
These conversations result from assumptions, and assumptions are dangerous. To assume something about someone without talking with them is ungodly, unfair, prideful, and deceptive. It is deceiving to think that what we assume is God actually talking to us. God is not the author of confusion (1 Corinthians 14:33). And to go even deeper, we are meditating on and preparing for confusion to happen. We don’t want to be slighted, so just in case someone says something that crosses us, we will be prepared.
I want to encourage you today to expect good, to plan for good, and to think about the good. Philippians 4:8 tells us to, “So keep your thoughts continually fixed on all that is authentic and real, honorable and admirable, beautiful and respectful, pure and holy, merciful and kind. And fasten your thoughts on every glorious work of God, praising him always” (TPT). There’s so much life on the other side of assuming something is going to happen. Expect the good this week.
I would say that we’ve been socially distant for quite some time, well before we encountered this pandemic. This type of social distancing I’m referring to is the distance between people who have allowed misunderstandings to come in between their relationship, opening the door to assumptions and causing them to think whatever the enemy wants them to think about each another.
This type of social distancing is one that chooses not to communicate to the person about any issues but rather communicate them to others who have nothing to do with the situation. Meanwhile, the problem is still not solved. So it makes you want to ask the question. Would you rather seek peace in the relationship, or would you rather keep your ego? Why do you talk about it to others if you’re not planning on fixing it? If there’s no desire to fix it, stop talking about it.
As Christians, we have not done a great job at reconciling. Unfortunately, we’re better at cutting people off, and many times, the other person doesn’t even know the reason why. It takes courage and humility to resolve an issue in a relationship that you know in your heart can be saved.
So I admonish you today, time is too short to hold grudges and offense. We are living in uncertain times. People have lost their jobs and loved ones. We’re fighting an invisible enemy in the form of an illness. Take the first step and pursue peace. Reach out through a phone call and pursue peace. Take the time to hear each other’s heart. Let’s allow Psalm 34:14 to be the anthem of our hearts: “Turn away from evil and do good; Seek peace and pursue it.”
Being lightheaded is no joke. You lose your sense of orientation and balance. Things start to look blurry. But in prayer the other day, the Lord gave me a thought.
He shared the term, “lightheaded” with me and gave me this Scripture, “take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light” (Matthew 11:29-30). And then He said to me, “the lightheadedness I give comes from you trusting me with your mind, your thoughts and your mentality.”
Let’s be honest. Our thoughts are not always light. They can be very heavy, dark, depressing, and full of anxiety. And because we are almost surrounded by darkness and fear, there is the temptation to be led by them. These thoughts weigh our minds down. Scripture says in Proverbs 12:25, “Anxiety in a man’s heart weighs it down, But a good (encouraging) word makes it glad.” Our heart gives value to the thoughts we receive in our minds, whether positive or negative.
So if anxiety weighs down the heart and encouragement lift it, let’s seek encouragement through the Word of God. Let’s surround ourselves with hope and turn away from things that cause us to be heavy in our heads. Selah.
Often when we hear someone say, “I give up,” it tends to leave a negative mark in our minds. But the other day in prayer, the Holy Spirit spoke to me and said that these three words known to signify quitting something can actually mean surrender.
Surrender is a beautiful act of worship to God. We allow Him to have full control and lead us in His path for us. As Pastor Rick Warren says, many times we have been trying but we need to be trusting.
So I encourage you today to give up the need to control the situation. Give up doing things your way. Give up leaning to your own understanding and lean into His. God promised to never leave or forsake you. He’s got you. When you give up in Him, you’re giving up in a good place.